So you’ve decided you have a problem, and that it might be worth trying to externalize it.
How do you separate a problem out of your sense of who you are, or who someone else is, and put it “outside” where you can deal with it in a different way?
Writing can help you do this.
You can use words to perform surgery; over time writing can be used to extract a problem out of you or other people, giving you the chance to experience the problem in different ways, where it isn’t intrinsically identified with any one person. Extraction can help you dissect and examine a problem from different angles than you might be used to seeing it from.
Hopefully this can help you and other people put the problem in a pen and starve it to death!
Side note: a general principle of behavioral psychology worth remembering is: don’t attribute to a personality what you can attribute to a situation.
This can’t always prevent you from assuming a personality problem in someone (for good reason, such problems exist!), but it’s a worthwhile principle to keep in mind, and is one that it can be helpful to remind yourself of throughout this process, especially if you’re prone to identifying a particular problem with a particular personality in ways that you increasingly begin to see aren’t telling the whole story.
The first step of extracting a problem is to define it. You want to define the problem with as much precision as possible across its entire range of manifestation, so that you give yourself and others the best chance of actually solving the problem and preventing it, or one similar to it, from emerging and becoming embedded in you or someone else again.
So, to start with, try to define and map the influence of the problem in your own life and in your relationships. A helpful way to begin this is to consider how you would name the problem, and then how you would categorize it. As far as categorizing the problem, is it:
-Physical?
-Behavioral?
-Emotional or Attitudinal?
-Relational?
-Situational or interactional?
Don’t get caught up in any one type of categorization, this is meant to be a way to get the ball rolling. The aim isn’t to reduce the complexity of the problem dishonestly to any one category, but to use categories and investigative questions to prompt you into identifying and exploring it more fully; to bring the impact of the problem into higher resolution across multiple categories.
Answering the following kinds of questions can help you name, categorize, and map the footprint of the problem in your life and relationships. You can plug how long has the problem been… into any one of these questions to shift your response from being more focused on the character of the problem to being more focused on the duration/history of it (those distinctions can be helpful):
-How is the problem making a mess of your life?
-How is the problem isolating you?
-How is the problem coating your life and relationships?
-How is the problem making it impossible for you, and others, to see what you’re really like?
-How is the problem driving you and others into misery or despair?
-How is the problem sucking the life out of your future?
-How is the problem pressuring you to question your general competence as a person?
-How is the problem embarrassing you or making you feel uncomfortable?
-How is the problem wedging itself between you and others?
-How is the problem putting stress on your relationships with others?
-How is the problem making it difficult for you to focus your attention on others?
The whole point of this process is to get you generating a definition of the problem that’s broader and deeper than how you might normally experience it and think about it; a definition with greater extension in space and time. It can be a struggle to name and define a problem in ways that adequately represent your experience, but try to be as specific as you can every step of the way. It’s also true that some problems are more narrow than others, so try not to stretch the definition carelessly.
In addition, this type of investigation and exploration can help you begin to identify the impact the problem is having on other people. Try to think of all the people the problem is affecting, starting with those you think are most intensely affected. Try to identify at least 5–10 people if you can. It can be good to start with people who you think might really want to help solve the problem in ways that work for as many other people as possible.
This might not be an option, but don’t be afraid to bring these other relevant people into the defining and extracting process right from the beginning if you think they’re truly dedicated to solving the problem. More people = more brain power, and an even broader and deeper definition of the problem. This also helps remind everyone involved of the continuing need for flexibility and negotiation.
Initially prioritizing this kind of collaboration can also make it possible for everyone involved to begin the experience by participating in a coordinated blossoming of individual and interpersonal trust and agency; a kind of social initiation. Be as wise as you can about navigating the dynamics of this sort of teamwork, but don’t be afraid to try it.
This is really important and worth attempting, because a broad and deep definition of the problem and an atmosphere of trust are going to help you and the other people impacted by the problem to identify as many of those neglected but vital strands of lived experience as possible. More people can gather more threads of meaning to stitch and weave a new story out of; a story strong enough to challenge the dominant narrative within which the problem is being experienced.
Getting more people in on the process gives you more voices to speak a richer story into being faster; with a bigger cast you can tell and perform a story that’s more able to challenge and critique the dominant narrative from as many angles and weak points as possible, and hopefully overwhelm it and turn its final page. However, it’s worth remembering that the definition of the problem will also evolve over time, due to the nature of the externalization process itself and the addition of each new person to the undertaking.
Mind mapping is the perfect tool to get this process going and inspire you to make connections if you’re a very visual person; plop the problem in the middle and start mapping it out into different categories and connecting different relationships to it (or map it some other way that strikes you as right). The image of a neuron is a great organic form to inspire connective creativity.
It isn’t easy to get people to agree on things, especially when it comes to the definition of a serious problem. Yet a mutually acceptable definition is critical for any serious attempt at solving a problem involving multiple people. Collaborative mind mapping can be a very effective way to generate a consensus on everything from a definition of the problem to the threads of neglected meaning that are going to be used to weave the pattern of the new story.
If you’re working with others, you can all agree to create your own mind maps and then compare them with each other and synthesize them into one master map. This is as natural a method of networking and arriving at a consensus as you’ll find.
Hopefully you’re on your way to defining and mapping the influence of the problem in your own life and in your relationships; perhaps others are joining you in the process as well.
Next time we’ll flip things around, and look at more fully defining your influence, and the influence of your relationships, in the life of the problem. We’ll do this in creative ways, with the aim of drawing out more meaning that challenges the dominant story and problem-saturated state of affairs.
Remember, the problem is probably not just impacting you as an individual. If it’s a family problem, start with yourself, and carefully see if you can get all your family members to join with you in defining and mapping the problem in ways that seek to ensure no one is forgotten or left behind.
